


Gordon Freeman's waterpark hell

by Zowabob



Category: Half-Life, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Benrey has schizophrenia and autism tho, Everyone is also ADHD and dr Coomer has Dementia, Waterpark mayhem, everyone is autistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23958616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zowabob/pseuds/Zowabob
Summary: The science team takes a company trip to hotel waterpark, and things can only get more out of control!
Comments: 26
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I love half life AI and hope you do to! Disregard end note

Chapter 1 the bus ride

Gordon couldn't believe it when he was told he had to take his team on a company mandatory mini funcation.  
Or that his team also included fucking benry ,their omniscient security monitor. And anyways it meant he had to spend four days at the waterpark hotel. So one would think even with benry it couldn't be that much of a disaster.

At the very least they payed for his babysitter, not that it was saying much since he has been stuck on the mini company travel bus with people he was literally going to have to babysit. 

"Goooordan are we there yet?" Bubby whined for the fourth time in 20 minutes

"Yo,Do you think banjo kazooie is at waterlodge if he was I wouldnt eat any donuts if he was"  
Gordon could cry, but if he did it would upset Tommy who thankfully was wikiing it up with dr Coomer, enraptured in conversation about soft shelled crabs and OSHA rules about water parks.

"No bubby two more hours just like five minutes ago! And benry I told you to get back to your seat your literally across from me.  
And I promise you that banjo kazooie is absolutely not at the fancy waterpark hotel we are staying at"  
"Mr Freeman he could be at the hotel because bears love water and fish! I eat fish sometimes so I know how bears feel!"Tommy helpful as always has a good point at least thinks Gordon.

"Well thankful-"Hello Gordon!" "Hello dr Coomer, thankfully banjo kazooie isn't real so we don't have to worry about him and they don't let bears into waterparks, does that help with your strange inane concerns benry?"

"Huh what?"  
"Yea that's what I thought"

Those two hours went by without any major problems and so starts Gordon Freeman's worst waterpark experience ever.


	2. Chapter 2; I'm just trying to check us in

Walking into the fine establishment Gordon could see that this place was going to be fun as hell, he just needed to confirm the reservation with the front desk.  
At the front desk was a pretty blond women in her standers uniform, with a laptop and usual front desk array.  
"Everyone just sit in the waiting area ok" Tommy bubby and Coomer did just that watching YouTube poops on bubbys phone at full blast.

At least they where sitting still,  
Gordon turns to see that benry somehow has made it to the front desk before him, hurrying before benry could hopefully make everyone around them uncomfortable.  
"Mam you got id huh some id you have it"  
"Benry! I'm sorry mam he gets excited"  
"Haha yes people do get excited coming here oh I'm please don't grab all the pens o-oh ok sir"  
Trying and finally getting benry to stand to the side only required three pens Which he considers a win.

Starting to fill out the forms and ignore the stares that fullblast YouTube poops gets you he doesn't see it when benry starts approaching the desk again.

The blond women who's id says Carol was told earlier today that their was a reservation from the black Mesa science department. They all wore Hawaiian t-shirts and and Crocs, which she though was very fun.  
The man who wanted her Id and had pen ink all over his hands approached again wearing a very nuetral face which she suspected was one of his very few expressions and a hat that said 'gamerzz always win' on it.  
"Is banzo kazooie hiding out here?" He says in his monotone voice  
This question throws her off  
""Excuse me?"  
"Banjo kazooie is a bear and a bird the newest one is called nuts and bolts is he is this place where he hides out? Do you know him?"  
"Is that a video game?"  
"Huh?"  
"Um no we don't have any bears or birds here so don't worry about that"  
"Uuuuuh" benry starts singing a really loud beautiful tune to distract from the fact he has no clue what's going on.

Finishing the paperwork and ignoring a grown man signing really beautiful tunes, old men shadowboxing and the fact Tommy was spouting Eggman facts to dr Coomer he hands the paperwork to Carol.  
"Thank you for your patience um may I have the keys I need to get these guys in some rooms"  
Taking the keys, Gordon is thankful that everyone behaved long enough for him to do what he needed to do.

unlike some other trips they have been on!

Go karting was a experience he never ever wanted again. Who knew that someone could turn mountain Dew into jet fuel, god, so much fire so much mustard,  
don't get Gordon started on what happened with the go kart snack kart.  
Organizing them all, Gordon gets them to follow him to the rooms, a easy trip.

" Ok so we already decided on rooms right"  
"That's right, I'll take mermaid cove" says bubby  
"Gordan I want mermaid cove"  
"Um no there only these three rooms and you two already said you were sharing one"  
"Oh that's right" both nodding their heads and looking convinced.  
"Gordon I'm tired! We're going to bed! See you in the morning for water wars!"  
"Ok see you guys later, so you and Tommy will be sharing a roo-  
"Nooooo m-me and Sunkist are sharing a room Mr Freeman, you and benry will share a room!"  
Gordon wishes he could convince Tommy but he know that look so he just gives up.

"Ha what up bro feetman"  
"That's not even a sentence"  
Moving benry into the room he starts unpacking his stuff while benry just sits on a dresser staring at a wall mumbling something about little big planet. 

So while he's at it he unpacks benrys stuff too and puts it into the dresser he's sitting on. He figures it's a good thing he roomed with benry since him and Tommy get way to excited together.  
"Ok benry I'm going to bed, do not and I mean this for the love of God , come over to my half of the room or touch my stuff do you understand me?"  
"Kirby should be in little big planet do you think anyone here has PSN? An account freem month trial?"  
"Alright I'm pretty sure you understood goodnight"  
And with that Gordon turns off the light in preparation for a fun watertastic adventure  
"Please stop making smooch sounds"  
"Kay


	3. Everyone please put your water wings on

Gordon wakes up to his things thrown everywhere and benry watching him sleep.  
What the hell he thinks as he surveys the room, rubbing the sleepys from his eyes, he sees that benry has power ranger swimming trunks on.

He shoves the phone at Gordon

"Order room service"  
"Did you take your meds and is that my shirt your wearing?"  
"Yes room service"  
"Ok but you can't keep the shirt"  
Benry repeats back to him in a mocking tone that he is used to by now.  
"Um hello room service I'd like to order bre- oh really uh huh I'm sorry he was just trying to order, ok I'm sorry n-no I know scrambled pork isn't a thing o-ok how many times did he dial? 15 every hour since 5 am ok no I'm sorry it won't happen again  
Yes I know ok yes orangolange isn't a juice, it not anything, s-so may I order ok yes thank you"

Ordering the breakfast was going fine besides the fact that Benry kept doing his morning songs which where the tunes from halo, Gordon suspects.

Suddenly,

The sound of a breakfast delivery man being assaulted came through the door. Gordon just sits there in horror as he knows whats coming.

"We will have breakfast together! Release your package to us"  
"Fine take it! Just all you people leave me alone! Nightmares!!" Breakfast man stomps fade.

Then there was knocking on the door, well really smacking.  
"Mr. Gordooon the doors locked we have your breakfast and it smells good and tell bubby to stop eating your eggs! Your eggs Mr Gordon!"

"Don't worry Tommy I know how to get this door open!" He could here dr. Coomer run down the haul and a distant "we will knock it downtown!"

"No No do NOT slam my door down I'm unlocking it now"  
Opening his door they walked into his room with their own breakfasts and his open and being consumed, Tommy sits on Gordon bed with benry playing animal Crossing.

Everyone is in their bathing suits except for Gordon, Tommy is wearing a minions banana hammock and that scuba snorkel you get from the dollar store and even  
swimming flippers that make every step make a splat sound on the ground.  
Looking around bubby thought this place looked like a mess

"This place is a mess! What did you guys do in here" he says this with a wink.

"We kissed and went wild"

"No we did not!" I went to bed as soon as I got in here I don't know what you did"

"I'm wearing you t-shirt"

"I woke up and you wear wearing it!"

"Looks like shit bro"

"Why'd you pick it then?"

"Huh"

Coomer and bubby chuckle holding a lot of bacon"Oh how young love is like in spring"

"Ok all of that's wrong we are middle ages, its fall and we are not in love, and quite making those smooch sounds at me!  
Ok let's just finish our breakfast and we will go to the pool." 

Getting everyone to sit and eat required some Pepsi even though he thought it was to early but it got them to eat their food.

After they are all done and Gordon get his swim trunks on he realizes that he has to get everyone to wear water wings.  
A mixture of company policies and the fact he doesn't want to be fishing people out of the water all day. Tommy is very happy to put his on and is still quoting safety policies as Gordon just puts a life jacket on benry that clips on the back so he can't get it off.  
"Ok bubby you have your floaties on and Coomer where's yours?"

"Gordon I'm transgender"

"Ok I know that thank you but where are your floaties Coomer?"

"Me and bubby are dating"

"Ok I know that too, neither of those facts will stop you from drowning"

Looking down he realizes Coomer has the floaties on his legs for some reason and just switches them.  
Surveying his troops with sweat dripping down his brow, he makes sure hes got everything, snacks, towels, extra swim trunks, you name it.

"Ok everyone let's *sigh* let's get to the pools let's go, shoo ,go ,go"

"First let's get a group photo, everyone has to see my boxer swim shorts" 

It's a very nice photo if not a little weird and also the fact that Gordon looks like he's seen war and its only 9:30.  
And with that they start their march to the pools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me here! https://mobile.twitter.com/the_great_lupin
> 
> Also it's just so fun writing this! Comment if you want, I love feedback!


	4. Walk of doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wants to get to the pool man.

As they walk to the pool Gordon just stops listing

"When we get to the pool we will see big huge titty big fuck huge titty!" Coomer declares gesturing wildly with his hands

"One or two?" Bubby inquiries

"Mmm maybe five"

"Extraordinary! Gordon do you hear this,five whole big whole tittys" bubby says shaking Gordon's shoulder

"Yep I hear it"

This is when Gordon notices Sunkist , he doesn't know how he didn't notice a massive golden lab before but he sure does now.  
"Woah you can't bring Sunkist Tommy!"

"Yes I can mr.freeman I can bring Sunkist wherever I godamn fucking please he's my service dog. My dad said so"

"Oh my god ok Tommy" Gordon figured that if Sunkist stayed near the beach chairs it would be fine so he didn't say anything else about it.

It seemed something had excited bubby and Coomer even more than whatever they where talking about and it was the animated points and yells of seeing... Senior water aerobics.

"Good news Gordon me and bubby will be doing senior water aerobics!" 

"Ok but we need to have a safety talk first, does everyone know the pool rules?"  
Tommy raises his hand excitedly.

"Yes Tommy"

"Mr.freeman, When your at the pool you have to be careful and walk slooowly, as slow as swimming through hunny. And you can't pee in the pool because if you do the lifeguard will taser you"

"Oh my god the lifeguard has tasers! What is this world coming to" Coomer decrees.

Gordon thinks about correcting tommy on the taser thing but decides if it will keep everyone from pissing in the pool he'll take it.

"Yes all correct! so nobody pee in the pool"

Coomer and bubby give a salute and go running of like maniacs to the senior water aerobics to raise what Gordon assumes is some hell.

He wonders what Tommy will want to do when he gets in the water but he unloads all his stuff at a beach chair by the deck and flops down into it.  
"Tommy what are you doing aren't you gonna go swimming?"

Tommy looks at him while shading his eyes from the sun that is not there, they are inside, he has pulled out a sunhat and shades, while putting away the flippers and snorkel.  
He also pulls the book 'fifty shades darker' and a canned mojito out too.

"Mr.freeman, I don't like swimming"

Gordon doesn't know what to fucking say to that.

"Why did you come then?"

"I like to sit in Beach chairs and read" Tommy explains reasonably.  
"I know I'll wave when you swimming! So you know I care" he says sweetly while cracking open that mojito and putting his black Mesa crazy straw in it.

"Well okay, if that's what you like to do" he turns to benry who has a weird fucking grin on his face, clearly very excited to have Gordon all to himself.

He puts his hands on his hips"Well benry looks like it's just you and me, because Lord knows I'm not letting you in this pools by yourself"

"Dhhtnfksiewmx" benry says with his mouth, a little flustered but playing it cool.

"Ok... Well come on then"

Gordon hopes with only one person to watch, things will be easier.

Benry stumbles on nothing and falls face first into the pool and just floats there drowning with a life jacket on.

When Gordon drags him out and makes sure he's ok, and dissuading worried onlookers, a single tear falls down his face he knows what has to be done.

He looks benry in the eyes "benry were going to hold hands, I don't want you to drown even though your wearing a fucking lifejacket my god man!"

They both look at their clasped hands then each other and then away, both a full body blush.

"Epic gamer moment bro" benry says in a monotone voice

"Yea let's just get in the fucking pool dude"

Tommy enjoys his second mojito.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I love writing this fix, each chapter I get better at writing so I'm really proud! Thanks for reading!!


	5. Diving board blues

People where having fun in the water splashing around living it up with their families. Gordon was holding onto benrys hands, he has borrowed Tommy's snorkel and flippers.

Gordon was having a pretty good time actually ,pulling him around as he kicked his feet and blew water   
out of his snorkel like his life depended on it. It also helped that people where giving them their own space to do this which both of them appreciated.

Aiming for Gordon he gets him with a large blast of water.  
"I'm going to splash you if you do that again" he says laughing, and then gets hit with another stream, this evolves into them just splashing each other.

That is until Gordon hears a commotion over the splashing and also angry wet stomping coming his way.   
"Excuse me! Excuse me"   
the brunette life guard getting Gordons attention says with his hands on his hips, Gordon stops splashing to answer him.

"Uh yes what seems to be the problem?"  
Gordon doesn't fucking want to know what the problem is, but this lifeguard has deemed him worthy to receive such news.

"Well i will have you know that you two friends over their have have been kicked out of the senior aerobics class!" He say pointing wildly at the two older men at the rooms doorway each holding pool noodles, they wave. 

"What did they do this time?"

"Your going to have to come over there yourself, their not coming in -"hey hey" benry interupts him pulling on his sock 

"What do you want?" Brown hair says crossing his arms all annoyed like, moving the foot he was gripping.

"Uh uh uuuuuuuuuuhm you uh   
Have tazers do"   
benry asks and makes a very fast grab for his other sock, getting both very wet now.

"Excuse me?"

"Um I think he wants to know if you have a tazer" Gordon extrapolates 

'why in gods name would I have a tazer of coarse I don't" he bend down to get closer to benry.

Benry looks at him and speaks with disdain "lying wretched dog he does be oooh" and sprays him in the face while shaking his fist.

From the other end of the room Gordon hears,

"Tell that control freak who's boss!"  
"Yea stick him back in his mudhole!"  
Sputtering and mad the gaurd stand up again.

"Just come on, oh my god there's three of them now, hey stop! You now what you done hey I'm coming over there! Yes I am!"   
And with that he marches off leaving Gordon and benry.

"Ok come on we have to keep that guy from have a heart attack"  
Gordon steps out of the pool and realizes that Benry is absolutely not getting of the steps.  
"Uh benry are you coming?"

It seemed that he had gone catatonic , which wasn't very alarming because it happened frequently and he was on the steps so Gordon figured he would be perfectly fine there.

By the time he got to the other end of the pool room there was floaty noodles all over the floor  
"Hello Gordon I'm all dry now!" Dr. Coomer declared.

Bubby was pissed off, all he did was splash a couple of old people it wasn't like he created a device to make them eat each other's ears off, and he could do it to! But when he said that they only got more nasty! Bubby was beginning to think this place wasn't his cup of tea..

"Gordon this place sucks,I'm tired of this place!  
"how dare you pick this place!Gordon why did you bring us here?"

"I'm sorry but you guys voted for this location it's not all my fault"

"No Gordon you fucked up admit it" bubby admonished him for his filthy filthy lies.

"Fine I fucked up, next time I'll pick a nicer place" whatever, maybe they could go skiing Gordon thought, Maria might even let him bring Joshua, he'd have to check there schedule.  
While Gordon though about his ex and what she was up too, the lifeguard just wanted these people to shut up about chairs.

"Excuse me sir I'm going to have to ban these two from the swimming pool"  
"Oooh no Mr Freeman the lifeguard is a meangaurd" Tommy says this while pointing his finger right in the man's face.

"Alright well I guess we all have to go then, because this place kind of does suck." This is when he notices a small crowd of people by the extremely high professional diving board.  
"Um what are all those people doing over there" he says this knowing exactly what they are doing over there.. benry has climbed all the way up and is now stuck and is sadly singing tunes.

"Oh no Mr Freeman benry is stuck you have to save him! I will go and make sure he knows you saving him, we will use sign language Mr Freeman!" 

Tommy and benry proceeds to do extremely fast sign language to each other, the kind that only ASL pros can do. By the time they get over there people are just listening to the beautiful songs he sings, amazed that the man could sing like that when he has barely said a word all day.

"Mr Freeman he said you abandoned him and have joined sides with the meangaurd! He's so said about your new friendship with the meangaurd!" 

"Ok me and this guy are not friends Tommy and I didn't 'abandon' him I left him for ten minutes, you know what nevermind, if that's what he though then I better get up there"

Gordon after such a long time has decided to except that sometimes it's just easier to work with how others view situations, you know empathy and shit.   
And he knew if he put himself in benrys shoes then it would seem like exactly that and that would be very surprising and alarming! 

So he began to climb the 33 feet standard professional diving board, he knew this because tommy told him in great detail about the diving board.   
What he thought was amazing about benry was how fast the other man could be, maybe he would joint Gordon on his morning jogs? Yea he might ask him, Tommy lived two blocks away so maybe they could make it a weekend thing. 

By the time he finished his rambling thoughts he was at the top of the ladder, looking benry straight in his tired teary eyes.

"Uh hey buddy it's really high up here do you need help down"

"Did you come to save me o-or did you come to umm not save...me feeeeatman"

"I came to save you dude I wouldn't be up here if I wasn't so slide you butt this way"   
he doesn't really wait for benry to get all way to before grabbing him and hefting him over his shoulder. 

he hated this water park one day of swimming and everything else was nightmares, he was a scientist dammit! Tomorrow everyone was staying in their room and they where going to play Mario party by God if that was the last this they did!

He could hear benry mumbling something but couldn't quite catch it. " What was that I didn't hear you"

Over his shoulder he head "Prince chaaaarming" and laughter it made him snort.

"Your one funny princess if that what this and ow! Stop kicking my chest!"  
He was relieved when he got to the floor but he figured he'd just carry him back to his room, he seemed pretty floppy. 

The lifeguard who has gotten pretty big for his britches gets in his way

"Your all banned from the swimming pool! Your all pests except for the dude in the speedo and even he is in a minion speedo!" 

He says with crossed arms and a attitude that tells him this dudes got nothing better going on, and Gordon has to admit not only does he not give a fuck but also would listen to dr Coomer tell him the entire wiki article for chairs for the four millionth time.

"Whatever dude I literally do not care, Tommy do you have a beer my god I need a drink"

"No outside food!!" But no one's listening to the stupid meangaurd cus they are going to go to their rooms and go to bed and tomorrow pack and play Mario party.  
_____________  
When they split up to their rooms and say good night to eachother, Gordon is exhausted and he go into their messy room, dumps benry on his bed and takes a shower.

He know benry doesn't want to sleep in his own bed so he just lies down next to him, he has to admit benrys a pretty good bedmate, soft and warm.

Benry pretty much falls asleep as soon a Gordon settles in, he assumes that he'll wake up around 1pm knowing the man's sleeping patterns. But that's ok because he can have everything ready for their bus at 6 anyways with no interruptions.

With that Gordin drifts off into a deep sleep, ready to deal with tomorrow. 

He hopes he is anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me!   
> Does anyone know if you can write NSFW in this fandom?


	6. goodbye waterpark hell hello more adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh finally finished this one, now onto new adventures!!

Something very heavy is on Gordon and it's not benry because he can feel him cuddled up against him, whatever it is it's inches away from his face.  
"Hello Gordon!" Coffee breath.  
Rubbing his eyes he groggily replies with a hello dr Coomer and slowly sits up.  
"What time is it?" Gordon say with a yawn and stretch and is handed a cup of coffee.

"Gordon it is 9am!" Uggg why does this man have so much pep in his step, howwww.

"I would like it if we had breakfast together like yesterday!"

"I assume there is no, no is there?"

"Your right Gordon! You have no say."   
Dr. Coomer starts getting everything set up for a nice breakfast, using benrys bed as a couch of sorts since nobody has used it anyway.

In come bubby, Tommy and Sunkist. It seems bubby has managed to terrorize the breakfast staff for the last time of their stay.  
He could only imagine their relief.

Sitting up he makes sure benry is all snuggled up and comfortable, wrapping him like a burrito.   
Tommy has put on the hit morning tv show the maryline Dennis show.

Tommy eats his croissont and cheers and woops along with the women in the studio audience. She pulls out pantsuits and travel kits and everything you imagine middle class America would fantasize about. 

After they have their breakfast, bubby and dr Coomer do some old man reading on the bed, while Gordon and Tommy set up the Wii switch system on the tv.

They play Mario till about 12 and Gordon goes out for a stroll to stretch his legs and make sure nobody forgot to pack anything.

When he peeks into bubbys room, he wonders how anyone could have gotten a room to deny physics and sense in such a short period of time, he decides the staff can deal with that.   
He checks Tommy's room and it is spotless as if no one had a giant golden retriever in it, he thinks this is very impressive.

Satisfied he makes his way back to his room to pack his and benrys stuff. For a room with four people in it, it sure is making a awful lot of noise and damn Gordon's afraid to find out what's in there.

Gordon opens the door.

And finds the room has been turned into a makeshift fort.

"Good news Gordon we live in the fort city now!"  
"Woo fort city"   
benry cheered, as a half asleep burrito man laying on Tommy's lap,  
He couldn't help but chuckle and realized they packed all their things while he was out.

"Sorry to pack 'your' things Gordon but I, as a respectable scientist can't stand to see a layabouts mess"   
bubby says this while cuddled against Coomer and drinking a cup of tea that was making his glasses steam up.. so he doesn't seem that contentious about it. The site make Gordon hold in a cute comment, wanting to be able to have some of that tea bubby brought.

"Thanks you guys, I really appreciate that, I just checked the time and we should be leaving in three hours and fifteen minutes just so all of you know"

"Aaaw m-mr freeeeeman I had s-such a good time though!"   
"My favorite part were the hay rides" then benry went back to snoring.  
"Gordon my favorite part was showing those old people what's what!"  
"I say! I think we should plan our next outing" bubby says this with maniacal glee.  
They all agree and start planning new stuff.

When they all get on the bus to go home it's filled with the exciting talk of adventures to come.  
And the sun is sinking in the sky once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been my first long piece of work and I have had so much fun! Thank you for all the support!! And there will be more to come!

**Author's Note:**

> Banjo kazooie is not in the fucking waterpark. Thanks for reading!


End file.
